Overcome Spanish Speaking Anxiety: The Confianza Compass Method for Heritage Learners
Dear No Sabo Kid (or better yet, Dear Brave Language Learner tackling some serious identity questions),
I want to tell you a story.
The other day, I found myself in a room with other Latina women, and when I heard them speaking Spanish, my heart leapt. Aquí está mi gente. I got that rush of excitement, that electric feeling of recognition. So, I took the leap—I jumped into the conversation, speaking Spanish with them, eager to connect. I didn't even really think, I just went straight in with Spanish.
And for a moment, everything felt good.
Then, just as quickly, the doubts started creeping in.
Did I say that right?
Can they tell I struggle with certain words?
They are probably thinking who is this gringa pretending to be "real latina"
Oh God, what if they correct me? Or worse—what if they think I'm trying too hard?
But I pushed forward.
A week later, I saw one of the ladies again. She was polite, but distant. Another week passed. This time, I saw her chatting animatedly with someone else before giving me a quick, almost dismissive greeting.
Cue the spiral.
Did I do something wrong?
Am I not Latina enough for her?
Does my Spanish make me seem like an outsider?
Am I just fooling myself?
And that's when I knew: I was activating an old wound, one that so many of us carry—the fear of not belonging, of not being good enough. The fear that our Spanish, our identity, our place in this community will always feel like allí mero, pero nunca enough.
But I couldn't stay in that spiral. It does me no favors or the people around me. No one needs that self-imposed negativity tornado. So I pulled out what I now call The Confianza Compass—a reality check, a way to step back, reubicar and challenge those thoughts.
Step 1: Reframe Your Story (Reframing)
Instead of assuming rejection, I forced myself to consider the facts:
✔️ Maybe she was just busy.
✔️ Maybe she had a lot on her mind.
✔️ Maybe she's just not a warm person in general.
And most importantly:
✔️ Maybe this had nothing to do with me.
Mini-Lesson: The Power of "Quizás" (Perhaps)
When we're stuck in negative thought patterns, the Spanish word "quizás" can be our best friend. It opens possibilities instead of cementing assumptions.
Practice these phrases when you catch yourself spiraling:
Quizás no me escuchó bien. (Perhaps they didn't hear me clearly.)
Quizás tiene prisa hoy. (Perhaps they're in a hurry today.)
Quizás no es nada personal. (Perhaps it's nothing personal.)
Step 2: Reconnect With Your People (Community)
That week I also spent hours chatting with one of my closest Latina friends. We mostly Spanglish, and we talked about Latin culture, traditions, and childhood memories. We even talked about Bubblegummers and the paleta payaso, such nostalgia hits. Not once did I feel less Latina.
And here's the thing: one person's reaction doesn't define my identity.
If I zoom out, I have an entire network—friends, family, mentors—who embrace me fully, language imperfections and all.
Expression of the Week: "Me siento como en casa"
This beautiful phrase means "I feel at home" and captures that sense of belonging we all crave. Practice using it next time you're with people who make you feel comfortable in your language journey:
"Cuando hablo español contigo, me siento como en casa." (When I speak Spanish with you, I feel at home.)
Step 3: The Ancestral Anchor (a.k.a La abuelita matrix)
This is my ultimate gut-check. My abuelita passed away a year ago, but she was the heart of my connection to Mexican culture. She was the one who made me love Spanish, love the traditions, love where I come from.
Would she have ever judged me for messing up a verb conjugation?
Would she have ever loved me less because I didn't have a perfect accent?
No.
She would have cheered me on. Chuleándome. She would have been proud of every effort, every sentence, every attempt to stay connected to our language. Ok, maybe a correction here and there, but it was done con cariño.
And if she would have loved and accepted me as I am, then why should I let one lukewarm interaction make me doubt myself?
If you don't have an ancestral anchor, insert your own anchor person here—maybe it's a cousin, a friend, a professor, you got me in your corner or even yourself. Someone who sees you and roots for you, regardless of how pulido your Spanish is.
Exercise: Identify Your Anchor Take a moment to write down who your language anchor is—the person who would be proud of your Spanish efforts no matter what. What would they say to encourage you? How would they celebrate your progress?
Step 4: Live In Your Truth (Integration)
At the end of the day, did this moment stop me from listening to my Latin playlist on the way home?
Did it stop me from blasting Shakira with my kids and singing along (off-key, but with full passion)?
Did it stop me from loving my culture?
Not one bit.
And here's what I want you to take away from this: Your worth is not measured by how "perfectly" you speak Spanish.
You are part of this culture, this community. You are allowed to take up space in it.
Grammar Corner: Present Progressive for Ongoing Growth
When we're learning a language, we're always in progress. The Spanish present progressive tense perfectly captures this journey:
Estoy aprendiendo - I am learning
Estoy mejorando - I am improving
Estoy creciendo - I am growing
Notice how the -ando/-iendo endings convey continuous action. Just like your language journey—it's ongoing, active, and alive!
So go out there, have the conversations. Make the mistakes. Keep learning. Keep growing.
And if you need a quick anchor the next time you feel that fear creeping in:
✅ Picture someone you love rooting for you like a fan in a fútbol game. ¡Olé, olé, olé!
✅ Remember, every interaction is practice, not a test.
✅ And, because we love a good takeaway—here's a quick grammar & culture tip:
💡 Quick Tip: Own Your Accent & Know Your Power Phrases
Instead of feeling insecure about your Spanish, have a go-to phrase ready for moments when you need to pause and recalibrate.
Try:
🗣️ A ver, ¿cómo se dice…? (Let's see, how do you say…?)
🗣️ Lo tengo en la punta de la lengua. (I have it on the tip of my tongue.)
🗣️ Ah, sí, ya me acordé. (Oh, yes, now I remember.)
This instantly shifts the conversation away from feeling self-conscious and toward natural flow. It's a way to stay engaged without the pressure of perfection.
Pronunciation Practice: The Confidence R
The Spanish "r" can be intimidating, but it's also a sound that, once mastered, brings tremendous confidence. Try this tongue twister:
"El perro de Ramón corre por la tierra." (Ramón's dog runs across the land.)
Start slowly, focusing on the rolled "r" sound. Even if you don't perfect it, practicing with a smile makes all the difference!
I'm rooting for you.
My ancestral anchor is rooting for you.
Go out there and take up space.
¿Qué experiencia has tenido tú? Share your language learning journey in the comments below, or tag me on social media using @SaboSpanish. I'd love to hear how you're applying these tools in your own life.
Ready for more support? Download the complete Confianza Compass Worksheet and begin transforming your language learning experience today!
